Can Marriage Counseling help me? Q&A

There are some common questions couples  ask when they are unsatisfied with their relationships.

Q.: I am in intercultural marriage and  I’ve never stopped loving my wife. We ‘ve been married for three years, however, I can’t understand what she is going through and she doesn’t take my pleas for her to see someone as anything but attacks. If our marriage ends, I will  lose the 2 greatest things in my life–my wife and my son…possibly having them move thousands of miles away with no way to have them in my life. Can marriage counseling  help me?

Peter, that is sad. Take a deep breath and don’t consider  divorce until you try couples or individual counseling, no matter what your wife is saying. It’s possible that she  is suffering from depression and she needs help as well. There are many approaches  a therapist can use to help  your wife, you, and  both of you as a couple.  Your son  needs you regardless of what happens.

Q.: We don’t have  many conflicts and  fights, but there is not too much enjoyment in our relationship, and  I feel like something is missing. Is this a reason to seek a marriage specialist?

Yes. The marriage counselor sees a lot of situations like yours and will help you to  figure out how you got here and how to get  out. You may find a new enjoyment  in  your relationship, based on your personalities and individual needs.

Q.:It is hard for me feel close to my spouse; it’s seems like she is emotionally not available for me, but she won’t admit it. She  insists that there is no problem . Is this  a reason to seek marriage counseling?

Yes, The problem of   distance  in  marriage can be addressed in marriage counseling. You wife will have her own ideas as to what needs to be changing in your relationship. A marriage counselor has the skills to help both of you unpack what has happened in your relationship and how it has affected your marriage.

If you feel confused and upset right now, get  help as a couple to sort out the feelings that keep you apart. Learn  how to feel safe and close to each other, repairing things that  have gone wrong and that may seem fearful to discuss with your partner.

Q.: My husband’ and  I are always have a fight after visiting his parents. His  mother  creates a lot of disturbance  in our relationship. He doesn’t think marriage counseling would help because it couldn’t change his mother’s personality .“We need to accept her the way she is”, he says. Can  marriage counseling  help us with a difficult relationship with in-laws ?

Yes. Since in-laws are  never the real problem in a relationship.  The problem is  rather the way couples together  handle the in-laws. You in-laws can create a lot of stress in your relationship, but the therapist can help you to change focus from what they are  doing to your relationship and  help with  the challenges  you both  have in dealing with the  in-laws.

A marriage therapist can help you distinguish between reasonable demands and pressures that you don’t need to accept. The Therapist can help you understand how the in-laws interferes  with your nuclear family’s well-being. When difficult situations arize, one or both of the partners, may  seek  for support  from his or her  own mother.  This can make things worse. Marriage counselors are  skillful in navigating these challenging situations.

 Q.: Since we had our baby, our marriage has been falling apart. I heard that things can happen and that situations can improve , but I feel frustrated and irritated right now with my wife’s obsession with our baby. I feel ignored, dismissed, and  unhappy at home  at all. My wife doesn’t see any problems here, stating that babies are generally hard and she doesn’t need to deal with my requests now.… Is having a baby a reason to seek  a marriage therapist?

You may feel neglected,  ignored and discontent  with the way your relationship is going. You and your wife have a difference in perspective about something very  important. It seems that you both trying to adjust to a new family member’s needs, but  living in a different emotional states. A  marriage therapist can help you understand each other’s perspective–though  the therapist can’t  magically make your child less demanding. Marriage counseling  could make  huge changes in your relationship, because it is dangerous to neglect your feelings–too many marriages fail the year after the baby arrives.