Why do  marriages often fail?



There are a lot of bumps on the road of marriage.


Leo Tolstoy opened his novel Anna Karenina with the phrase that became the  famous marriage quote:

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”


The most fairy tales end, “and they lived happily ever after”.


Unlike what happens in fairy tales, real-life marriages have a lot of bumps on the way to happiness. Couples need to develop, evolve, adjust, and to learn.


Many of them failed after being “unhappy in their own way” for some shorter or longer period.


In fact, according to Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., Director of The Couples Institute,

the  three  top  three reasons for failure in marriages are:


1.  The couple failed to learn from experience


2.   The couple  failed to adjust to circumstances


3.  The couple  failed to anticipate future problems



If you feel that your marriage becomes troubled, look for couples therapy counseling or try  Marriage advice books to navigate your happy marriage road.

2 thoughts on “Why do  marriages often fail?

  1. Hi Olina!
    I’m tying the knot this September. You write about marriages failing as couples don’t learn from experience. How true. If we don’t learn from our mistakes, we’re doomed to repeat them!

    1. Peter, It is true that people often get stuck because of previous painful experiences.

      Their memory unconsciously triggers when they perceive any similarity.
      It can be a challenge to learn from previous experiences. This is where therapy is useful.

      It can be is difficult, without third- party support, to step back and overcome memories that have triggered our responses.
      When people decide to come for therapy, they can find help and access resources that enable them to heal, reconnect, overcome challenges, and to grow together.

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